Queer as me – Part 44: Passing as myself

• Posted on 6 July 2017
• By Rachael
• Posted in Personal Stories, Queer as me, Trans
• 0

This post is PART 44 in a guest blogger series following author Rachael's transition from an A.M.A.B (Assigned Male at Birth) individual to that of a self-identified trans woman.

If you are just discovering Queer as me, start the story from the beginning here.

While I was relearning my body in a sexual way, I was also about to embark on a crash course in makeup and wigs. You see I wasn’t allowed to hang around other girls growing up and never learned how to use makeup. The few times I wanted to try, I was too afraid of being found out, so I never took the usual faltering steps that most girls go through growing up and finding out what will work and what didn’t. So, with the help of one of the other trans women in the household who was also a makeup artist, I learned a few basic things.

In fact, the first two times that I had makeup on in public was due to her amazing skills. The change was startling. The softening of my face, the hiding of the usual five o’clock shadow was so wonderful that I just sat in front of the mirror for a long time. Truly I was in awe of the dramatic change in my appearance. The changes in my emotions almost caused me to destroy her work with tears welling up in my eyes, but I was able to blink them back before the mascara started to run.

At the same time, I also had to find a way to repair the extensive damage that the aggressive testosterone treatment had done to my scalp. It had burnt away so many hair follicles and roots that I had to keep my head shaved to make sure my dysphoria wouldn’t get any worse. My hair was a terrible patchwork of missing growth. Coupled with my physical age, and not knowing if my estrogen treatments would correct the abuse. I would have to let it grow back and see how bad it had been damaged. I knew it would be a long time before I got to see results.

So in the interim, I would have to use a wig to round out my new presentation. There was only one place that I was told to go to and that was Deva Dave’s. Drag queen extraordinaire, and hair do expert. He was famous throughout the community. If you had hair questions or problems, He was the one to come to. My new roommate allowed me to use one of her wigs while we shopped for a new one for me. She also picked out an outfit for me to wear, as I still had no confidence in shopping for clothes. I used to just buy whatever fit my body, I didn’t care.

When we arrived at Deva Dave’s shop there was so much to look at, beautiful shoes, stockings, gaffs, and finally wigs. So many different wigs, colour, length and style of cut. Because I had dark brown almost black hair, I decided on trying to find something similar. Two wigs, one black, and the other a brunette. Both long, as I always loved the long hair I saw on other women. Once we returned home, I wore each one as I gave a bit of a fashion show, and we took some pictures for me to remember the event. I was so much more closer to seeing my true self.

Rachael

Editor’s Note: To read Queer as me – Part 45: Skin tones and trust, click here. Or click here to read the previous blog post Queer as me – Part 43: Body parts and sex. For the latest LSOP blog posts and so much more, make sure to add us on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.