This post is PART 42 in a guest blogger series following author Rachael's transition from an A.M.A.B (Assigned Male at Birth) individual to that of a self-identified trans woman.
If you are just discovering Queer as me, start the story from the beginning here.
Now prior to them giving me the go ahead to move in, I had to write a letter explaining my reasons for becoming part of their household. The reason they required this written verification of my intent was that the household had a 24-hour play policy. What that means is that at any time or on any given day there could be individuals that were in play mode. Therefore, they needed to understand why I felt that I was a good fit for their “family” as they put it. So, it was with an incredibly strong desire that I pass this final hurdle before I could live in their household. I spent hours writing and tossing away pages of letters before I was able to nail down the right words that could positively say how I felt.
This letter was sent to them through their profiles on an adult kink site called fetlife.com
They had sent me to that particular website so that I could understand in a small way what exactly their household was about. I was given access to a plethora of information about the BDSM scene, something I had never heard of prior to learning about this site. This online sanctuary for those of learning to explore their kinks, allowed me to absorb so many new ideas. After decades of being taught almost by osmosis, the rules that seem to be required to live by society's outdated requirements. I was blown away by how much more there was to BDSM, as well how much I had found that I was actually interested in.
Blushing I won’t go into too many details, but my letter was a success. So much so that I was able to start moving in as soon as I was able to do so.
Now, while I was still in the process of packing up my stuff, my old roommate and I still spoke with each other, but you could feel the tension in any of our interactions. I hated that I had failed to understand the true depth of the pain with which I had hurt him. We were supposed to be good friends, and I ignorantly and selfishly jumped into a new future without thinking ahead of the ramifications of my decision. Even with this on my shoulders, rightfully so, I wasn't able to contain my excitement about my impending move. Which, of course was plain on my face most of the time when we had to interact with each other. This caused more frustration between us as well. I felt that it was best that I leave as soon as I could.
So, it was with pain in my heart and excitement in my spirit that I opened a new chapter in my life. One that would revolutionize my outlook on life, and sex.
The lack of any serious knowledge of kink and BDSM play on my part allowed my two Dominatrix's to try anything and everything they could to find what I would like. I learned about safe words and sensation play, ropes and handcuffs, masks, and gags. There was so much to learn, and even to this day, I have never learned it all. But that’s not a bad thing, as the play itself was an eye-opening experience in its own right. So, I settled into becoming part of the household. Quite the surprise I’m sure to most people who know me, that I would place myself in such a space, but I had such a drive to learn, whatever the reason, I needed to know who I was. I was changing, and my curiosity ran ahead of me, to learn as much as I could.
Editor’s Note: To read Queer as me – Part 43: Body parts and sex, click here. Or click here to read the previous blog post Queer as me – Part 41: Moving Forward. For the latest LSOP blog posts and so much more, make sure to add us on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.