Queer as me - Part 5: The calm before the storm

• Posted on 16 March 2016
• By Rachael
• Posted in Personal Stories, Queer as me, Trans
• 0

This post is PART 5 in a guest blogger series following author Rachael's transition from an A.M.A.B (Assigned Male at Birth) individual to that of a self-identified trans woman.

If you are just discovering Queer as me, start the story from the beginning here.

The joy of that day carried me fairly far into the future. I felt new again. But as most transgender people know, it is sometimes a short brief honeymoon of wonderful feelings to know yourself, but reality can come back quickly to burst your bubble. After I had come back from that meeting, I had talked to my wife explaining what I had been told, and that she could come to the one next month. I know that you ask why they would be so far apart, it was simple, cost. Because our family lived on a limited income, I could only go once a month to justify the expense. I went back to the online world to share the news and indulge in the knowledge that I was right.

But I failed to realize how much my decision to pursue this idea of a new me was slowly pulling myself away from my family. The cracks started to become more obvious. While I was walking with my head in the clouds, our family was trying to survive with my now lack of motivation. I started to spend more time online with this new group of people and less helping on my part in the household. This of course led to arguments and nights sleeping in my grandson’s room with him. Ever since I identified as a woman, it was very hard for my wife to be with me. Foolishly I didn’t see the huge change beginning not only in my wife but my children as well.

The next appointment came and with my wife at my side explained more of my life to the doctor, who by this time had also seen me at the first group meeting with others like myself. The doctor talked to my wife more than me, once she could see that my wife was distressed about her diagnoses. Her explanations were much better than what I had previously told her. Once she understood, that it wasn’t a mistake you could tell it became harder for her to put on a brave face.

The next visit would be the last one needed to fulfill the requirements for hormone therapy, and that once I completed that, she would give me the script for estrogen. It was the beginning of a wonderful new future. Of course, I didn’t realize how wrong I was.

Rachael

Editor’s Note: To read Queer as me - Part 6: The furious storm, click here. Or click here to read the previous blog post Queer as me - Part 4: Knowledge and wonderment. For the latest LSOP blog posts and so much more, make sure to add us on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.