This post is PART 36 in a guest blogger series following author Rachael's transition from an A.M.A.B (Assigned Male at Birth) individual to that of a self-identified trans woman.
If you are just discovering Queer as me, start the story from the beginning here.
Life was busy, but the gender dysphoria wouldn’t give me any peace. I was constantly worried and wondering if I would get a response from anyone in the medical field. I had tried to keep my spirits up by doing everything I could do in the community. I tried to push myself to start to go out as how I pictured myself to look, but the fear and anxiety was too great. It was frustrating, being so close and yet having to wait. Patience was never my strong suit, and especially when the need that drove me was so great. It was in middle of June that I finally asked my councilor at Calgary Outlink to see if there was anything that they could do.
It was two weeks later that I received a call from the psychiatrist who’s assistant I had been seeing. He apologized for the delay, I guess once he had gotten back in the office, he was swamped with clients, and hadn’t sent out my referral. Naturally I was upset, but before I could voice my concerns he mentioned that there was a new doctor who had trained under the original and was just about to take clients for the first time. He was wondering if I wished to see him as he had almost no wait list. Success, I was stumbling over the words to say YES, YES, I would absolutely wish to do absolutely that. So again apologizing, he said that he would forward my information, as well he would send me the contact information for this new doctor.
Relief flooded me and I finally thought I could feel the wheels turning in my transition again. I thanked him for doing this, and I felt so much lighter in spirit and body. Although his wait list was six months long by the time he received my referral. But it was only two weeks later that I received a call from the nurse at the doctor’s office in Edmonton. She gave me a date for my first appointment…. in SIX WEEKS, I was overjoyed.
I tried to google the doctor but I couldn’t find any information. I guess that he had just recently opened this new practice. But I didn’t care, I was finally moving forward. Of course, a few hours later the anxiety came back. I would have to prove myself again. Sigh. Nope I wasn’t going to let my depression to overcome this great moment. I pushed aside the fear, and decided that I would focus on knocking this appointment out of the ballpark.
So I went back online and started gathering the information that I had placed there years ago. I had to show that this wasn’t a flash in the pan thing. That I wasn’t just playing with the idea of being Trans, but that I had for years been identifying as such. This was something that I couldn’t allow to fail, not with everything I had done to get myself to this point in time.
Six weeks later, I was ready.
Editor’s Note: To read Queer as me – Part 37: Anxiety, Nah, I mean what could go wrong? click here. Or click here to read the previous blog post Queer as me – Part 35: The final verdict. For the latest LSOP blog posts and so much more, make sure to add us on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.