The key to orgasming with your partner is being able to control your own orgasm. Learning to get yourself to a high state of arousal quickly and maintain it there until your partner is also ready to climax with you. I have become a master of 'orgasming on command'. Having been with some attentive lovers and some not-so-attentive lovers throughout the course of my sexual life, I have learned to achieve climax no matter what the circumstances. I trained myself to be in control of my own orgasm because no one else was, and I didn’t want to be left unsatisfied.
Learning to master one’s own orgasms is a beneficial skill even for those with very attentive lovers. Being in control of when you climax can make simultaneous orgasms achievable every time. Below are the steps I used when teaching myself to orgasm simultaneously with my partner.
So the first step involves doing some homework. Yes, you are going to need some alone time- masturbation, preferably without any toys, just you and your hand, figuring things out down there. The only reason I think manual stimulation is better is that while vibration is great, it kinda takes over the show, if you know what I mean. With manual stimulation you will learn to have more control and learn your body's queues for orgasm.
The next step in learning the art of being in complete control of your orgasm is to do step one without any external stimulation such as picture, videos, or reading. This is an important step, as you need to know what really turns you on. You need to be able to find thoughts or mental visuals that really get you aroused and keep you aroused. For many women, intruding, un-sexy thoughts are a common contributing factor when achieving orgasm is difficult. Working on using your imagination and memory as stimulating tools is great for women who struggle with arousal and orgasm even in the best circumstances.
Now, the first couple of times you try this venture it may seem impossible, as you have always been reliant on a vibrator or porn, so be prepared. Allow yourself a lot of time to do this step, If you find it seeming absolutely impossible grab that smartphone or vibrator. Remember: Rome wasn’t built in a day, and half the fun is the failed attempts.
Good job in making it step three, I am proud of you! Now, this step is going to be tough. You can actually use porn again- YAY! Actually, the more visual stimulation with this step the better. You will need to you to get yourself highly aroused through masturbation, but don’t let you yourself orgasm. Just keep yourself at that high state of arousal until you want to be finished. I will admit this game was a little hard for me, and failure rate was high in the beginning. But I promise it does get better.
So now you are the master at bringing yourself to orgasm. You should have a handful of images/scenarios/words that are triggers to bringing you to a high level of arousal, and you know your body very well and how to get the arousal up when you need to. These are what are you are going to use to keep you at a state of high sexual tension for step 4, where you will learn how to get in that state of high arousal and then stay there. You are at the finish line wanting to cross, but no, you must be kind and wait for your partner to cross it with you. Like you are now fighting an orgasm off, man you want to but nope you are a team you will do it together. The game is not over yet, and only when your partner gives you the okay you can release this pent up energy.
So another very important part of this is that your partner give you a small warnings so if you are not on the top of that climax hill it will give you a little time to get those dirty thoughts in action, maybe some manual stimulation, or maybe your partner is going to have to start saying those dirty things you like. There is no I in TEAM right? Communication is important. Have a dialogue beforehand where you discuss what signals you are going to use, and what you need them to do when you give them. Tell them what you like, and when you like it!
So after all this I hope that that you had some fun and learned new things about yourself and your body. This process can really help you get in tune with what turns you on, what kinds of stimulation work and do not work for your body, and, most importantly, gives you some time to spend on just you. You also may have learned about a hidden fantasy or two that you have been suppressing (lucky you). Now, these were just the steps that I found helped me get in control of my orgasm, and whether you decide to follow them exactly or develop your own strategy, orgasm control is possible, and with time, patience, and practice, it might just be the key you need for simultaneous orgasms.
Good luck folks!