Our website is currently under construction- we thank you for your patience as we work to improve your online experience!

Shopping cart

Your cart is currently empty

Dirty Horoscopes - June 2019

Dirty Horoscopes - June 2019

Want to know what the stars have in store for you (in bed)? Little Shop of Pleasure's team of psychics divine the cosmos (or, you know, whatever) and let you know what the universe has to say about your sex life in our monthly Dirty Horoscopes.




The biggest star in the sky in going to be shining hard on you this month, so make sure you get out of your winter habits and add some sun time to your schedule. Your body and mind will be happy to have the extra vitamin D, and with all this solar energy pumping through your body expect some added heat in the bedroom.




If you look outside right now you will see people on bicycles, people jogging, heck, some people still on roller skate. The summer weather has them out and about, but for some reason you're just not feeling like you want to get panting out on the street. Take your cardio inside and start sweating! Solo bulls might want to extend their self sessions to up that heartbeat, and you lucky Tauruses in a relationships, take some time to leave you both panting.




Neptune will have you focused this month, Gemini. Your mind will be driven by single thoughts and your passions will be intense, but limited. Use this to your advantage in the bedroom! Have a kink you were interested in but never had the time to research? Or what about the dream of owning that perfect outfit but you never have the effort to go around town and find? This is your time, dear Gemini, whether you're upping your knowledge base, wardrobe, or toy trunk, use this newfound star power and go!  




With Jupiter hanging around your sign this month you might feel like a bit of a people magnet. Friends, family, co-workers, even strangers might be more open and willing to share personal/sexual things with you. Take the time to listen to what they are saying and understand their point of view. Who knows, you might even learn a thing or two to add into your own bedroom repertoire.




Leo Symbol
Keeping an open mind will be a breeze for you this month, Leo. New ideas will come past you on the warm summer wind, and you have the best opportunities to grab hold of them. Keep your eyes and ears open for some fun and unique ideas in the most unexpected of places- you might be surprised by what you get inspired by and what kind of ideas daily life gives you.




Virgo Symbol

You might be faced with some interesting questions this month, Virgo. Mars will have you wanting to try new things, test some new boundaries, and set some new personal records. Remember that Google is your friend when you need to know "how to get grass stains out of silk summer dresses", or the "best way to treat sunburn on private parts", or "can you use sunscreen as lube", and especially "how do you keep geese away from your backyard love making".




Libra Symbol

"Sun's out, guns out" is common slang for showing off your arms when the weather is nice. This isn't just for buff frat boys. With the weather this nice, feel free to show off some skin. If you're out in public bare arms and some lower legs on a patio is the perfect combination. But a quick Google search will show you that our lovely city has lots of private spaces for some outdoor nudity. Find a safe, legal space, and show your body off to the sky.











Scorpio Symbol

Stampede is once again just around the corner. And while your late night cowboy exploits might not make national news and launch your porn career, it's the perfect time to see if you can set some new personal "bucking" records. Not all men wear heels, but cowboy boots give the same butt lifting effects of a short rise. Time to get your two step on. There is something to be said about a pair of tight jeans and a nice set of legs inside of them. Dig out your denim and show off what the planets gave you.




Lots of activity is going on outside, but there might be twice as much going on inside that big beautiful brain of yours. With Venus empowering your imagination all month this is the perfect time to flex your creativity. You don't have to write a novel, but take some time to type out a titillating text. There are lots of appropriate places online to express your most lewd stories. Keep the script going and find a partner to pen a perfectly perverted passage.




Capricorn Symbol

If you're planning on going camping this season make sure you pack your sexy things, because making love on a road trip can be fucking in-tents! If you can find a private and safe space to do the do there is nothing that can connect you to the stars faster then making love under them. Go get your body kissed by the moon, with or without a partner to feel the power of the cosmos.  




Sometime talking with your inner god/goddess can be hard. This month you have the very rare problem of not having a planet visit your sign, and you might need to work extra hard to understand what the stars have in store for you. It's not for everyone, but indulging in some spirits, or a little 'natural medicine' might free up your mind and help you explore yourself in and out of the bedroom. Moderation is key, but making love under the influence can be extra intense.



There are hundreds of different kinks out there and sometimes picking one out online can be a little intimidating. Let the stars guide you fetish voyage and use the random function on your favourite porn site. Or, if you want to limit things down, make a list of kinks/scenes/ideas you might be interested in and roll a spinner of the same number.



Be the first to comment...

Leave a comment
* Your email address will not be published
Please accept cookies to help us improve this website Is this OK? Yes No More on cookies »