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Dirty Horoscopes - June 2018

Dirty Horoscopes - June 2018

Want to know what the stars have in store for you (in bed)? Little Shop of Pleasure's team of psychics divine the cosmos (or, you know, whatever) and let you know what the universe has to say about your sex life in our monthly Dirty Horoscopes.




Sex is not always as magic as Hollywood makes it out to be. I’m sure you know this Aries, but sometimes making love can be funny as hell! Next time you accidentally tangle your hand in your partners hair, or trip up when changing positions, make sure you can both giggle at it and move on. It’s pretty easy to overthink that little slip-up when you’re doing the deed, but you can use humour to help make the sometimes embarrassing and awkward sex more fun and playful.




Want to show off your writing skills (or your amazing use of the eggplant emoji)? Send your partner a naughty little note when they are at work. If you don’t have a sext partner right now, there are hundreds of chat sites that can feed your need to show off your erotic writing. You could start with something mild, like "I can’t wait for you to pull these panties off me" (bonus points if you’re normally a boxer kind of Taurus), or be bold and write them your own cliterature- an erotic story featuring you and them as the lead characters! Doubt your writing prowess? That’s not a problem at all. Just send them some "junk mail" (like a dick pic, but for all genitalia!).




Warm weather and cool water make our resident stargazer think of one wet and wild thing… Fishing! Now, before you swim away dear Gemini, catching fish and finding the right partner have a lot in common. If you’re looking for a wild catch that dances around the water and will have you panting and wet with sweat by the end of the reel, casting your line in the warm and shallow waters of your local watering hole may not be the best idea. Go someplace exotic and out of your comfort zone if you want to see what the wildlife away from your home stream has to offer. Different fish swim in different pools, so if you don’t like what you see in your regular spot, it might be time to pull up and move to a different pond.




Self improvement is one of the most important things we can do, and with Mercury hanging around your sign for nearly the entire month, you should take this time to work on your bedroom skills. Though it can be embarrassing, now is the time to ask your partner for some post coitus notes. What exactly did you do that had them making noises you’d never heard before? Which moves got a “needs improvement” on the raunchy report card? The best way to learn what your partner likes is by having a frank discussion about it.




Leo Symbol
Sun's out guns out! Or sun's out buns out? With the amazing weather coming this month it is time to catch some rays and show off that hot bod. Want to catch the eye of someone new? Or maybe your partner needs a not so subtle reminder of how amazing you are? Not only will the most important star around us be shining down on you hard, but with your newfound confidence you will be beaming with a inner light that will draw exactly the kind of attention you're looking for.




Virgo Symbol

Do you like to look deep in your partner’s eyes before you climax? Do you need to know that someone will be there for you long after the cuddling? Is talking about your life together just part of the foreplay? This month Venus will be pushing hard on you and deep feelings of love and connection will be at the peak towards the middle of it cycle. Your love making might not break the bed or set any records, but the connection you feel will be tenfold this month. If you are single this month, take this time to love yourself, in both the physical and mental sense. This is extra important for anyone that doesn’t take time to really get in touch with themselves.




Libra Symbol

The star Polaris will influence your sign this month, which will have you feeling pulled in different directions. That’s fine! Go with the flow, change things up, and change them back just as quickly if you need to. Wear that new outfit that's a little different than your normal style to work, and if you're not feeling it, change into something more in your comfort zone on your lunch break. Try a new position in bed- who knows, It might blow your partners mind. And if not, no biggie! Go back to however you rocked their world before.












Scorpio Symbol

With long, hot days you might be feeling a little slow this month, something that is not helped by Mercury making a very quick pass through your sign in the first week. But going slow is not always a bad thing, and in the bedroom taking your time might be exactly what you need. ‘Edging’ is a very common practice where you build yourself as close to orgasm as possible without letting go. Doing this multiple times over an extended period time will make your final release that much better.



Your creativity this month will be cranked to 11! Take some time to write, draw, create, or build something new and exciting and don’t let that energy go to waste in the bedroom. Spice things up with some new masturbation techniques, make up some new poses that get you in all the right places around the house. Turn up your dirty talk game, or add some role play with homemade costumes! Got some toys in the bottom of your bedside drawer? Dust them off and see what new ways you can put that silicone to use.




Capricorn Symbol

You have always been in tune with others’ bodies, and this month is no exception. In fact, you might be feeling like a sexual mind reader. Knowing exactly where to run your fingers, scratch your nails, bite, lick, and suck is second nature for you. You can make your partner extremely happy with little work, but you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Don’t let your partner run away after you use your magic on them. Tell them where to touch, guide them with your body, and make use of your amazing powers on yourself! Remember, we’re not all mind readers.




This month you will feel empowered by the force of the star Dubhe- use that cosmic force to get over any embarrassments you might have in the bedroom and do whatever it is that makes you feel like the amazing sex god/dess that you are. If you want your partner to pull your hair in bed this is the time to bring it up! Don’t settle for mildly enthusiastic missionary- ask for what you need!


You’re in no mood to mingle this month, Pisces, and while the disappointment of your patio-bound friends may seem like a reason to force a smile and face the world, sometimes it’s best to trust your gut. If you feel like staying in, stay in! Your intuition is probably telling you that you need some alone time to reflect, get things done around the house, sleep, or maybe spend some solo time getting back in touch with your body. Take care of yourself guilt-free this month, and build up your health and energy for an exciting July!



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