Dirty Horoscopes - November 2018

Dirty Horoscopes - November 2018

Want to know what the stars have in store for you (in bed)? Little Shop of Pleasure's team of psychics divine the cosmos (or, you know, whatever) and let you know what the universe has to say about your sex life in our monthly Dirty Horoscopes.

 

 

Aries

The days are getting shorter and the nights are getting close to their peak length. But you don't have to fear the dark, dear space ram. In fact, getting your skin kissed by the starlight might be just what you need. Take advantage of one of the rare warm evenings we get in November and show off your sexy form. Go for a night out on the town in something unseasonably sexy before putting it away for the winter, or sip some hot coco in the buff in the backyard- however you do it, let your beautiful body shine bright.

 

 

Taurus

Bold Venus will have you feeling like an all star this month! Your aura will be star powered to 11. Find that pair of power panties, do you hair up like a diva, rock that pair of dress pants that shows off your favourite ass-ets. Whatever you do to make you feel like rock star this will be the month to flaunt it AND don’t think is always a physical thing! Get out to karaoke night, go to the saloon and dance, make the fine works of art at the gallery opening jealous, because this is your month to kick ass!

 

 

Gemini

Everyone is creative in some way, and this month Neptune will be gifting you with her muse. If you are a writer, artist, or creator of any type, make sure you put this gift to use, but what about those Gemini that don't have a creative outlet? There is always sex! Find a fun new way to tease and please your lover- get out the art supplies in the bedroom, head into the workshop and DIY yourself some sexy fun, or write an erotic fan fiction about that TV show you both love. Don't feel left out, single Gemini, because there is lots of creative and sexy things to do with/to yourself too.

 

 

Cancer

The lights in the room go dim, in front of you is a single chair facing away. Music starts filling the space with a driving beat, a gorgeous dancer comes on stage, moments later the crowed around you is cheering and clapping as their top comes off and you look away just for a moment to see dozens of others staring at the god/ess on stage. Can you feel the charge in the air, dear Cancer? Do you want to be part of that? Or do you want to cause that! This might be your month to finally take the plunge and go see a sexy stage show or even be as so bold as to strut your godlike self on stage.

 

 

Leo

Leo Symbol
The short days and cold nights of this season might have you wanting to pack up and move down south, but fear not, dear Leo, Mercury will be there to warm you up when you need it. Wrap yourself up in a warm blanket, find that cozy wool sweater, and brew up some cocoa, because once your good and warm on the outside you should feel just as hot on the inside. What you do with that extra "heat" is up to you, but it might involve less clothing than when you started.

 

 

Virgo

Virgo Symbol

It's been awhile since we've seen a cute baby bunny or a newborn deer out in the wild, but don't think that means you can't have some cute fluffy time yourself. Venus is often associated with reproduction, spring, and "cute" things. This month is the best time to embrace your softer side, buy some fuzzy socks, go to the zoo and coo over the pandas, maybe buy that pink lingerie you have had your eyes on- or what about a onesie? Alternatively, lean hard into the fluffy animal feelings your having and buy yourself a cute pink tail. Even if you have a rough and tumble exterior let your inner fluffy bunny have its time to shine.

 

 

Libra

Libra Symbol

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head that you can't get out? Or a jingle that gets looped over and over in your brain? What about a sexual fantasy? With music or a jingle just listing to it again might be enough to jar it out, but what happens when the fantasy that you just can't shake is impossible? Have you ever thought about some sexy cosplay? Even if you can't find a sexy wood elf to show you how they do it in Middle Earth there is always the wonders of the internet to help you explore your most fantastical fantasies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scorpio

Scorpio Symbol

The holiday season is coming early for you, dear Scorpio, because Uranus will be in your path from mid November all the way until December. Your skills at thinking outside of the box and being creative will be in overdrive! Even the everyday or mundane could have a different use- that spatula in the kitchen drawer, the old Christmas lights, that single flip flop that you kept for no apparent reason- they might just make their way into the bedroom with the right type of thinking. Always be safe, but use your newfound powers for sexy good, and cook up something amazing in bed.

Sagittarius

 

 

It's your lucky month, Sagittarius, because Pluto (#stillaplanet), the planet that always gives that extra push, is here to help and get you into the right habits before the winter season begins. This will happen all around your day-to-day life, but in the bedroom is where you might feel it the most. Try that tiring position for a little longer, take one more spanking, or give your flogger a few more swings, because you know you have the power of the stars behind you giving your that extra sexy push.

 

 

 

Capricorn

Capricorn Symbol

With the pull of Jupiter heavy on you this month you might be feeling things in one extreme or the other. Perhaps you like the look of that teeny tiny bikini? Or have you been side eyeing that extra large insertable. This is your time to embrace both the large and the small things in your sex life, be it a long coat that covers you from head to foot or postage stamp sized undies.

 

 

Aquarius

Venus is known for its wet and wild influence, and you're in for a treat this month because even if the weather outside is frightful, your bedroom should be a slip and slide. Put on your favourite pair of swim trunks and grab the lube because you're in for one heck of a slick ride. Make sure to keep hydrated, and drink lots of fluids (bonus points if its fruit juice), if you have a partner make sure to pack your snorkel next time you go down on them.

Pisces

 

Saturn hasn't visited you in quite a while, and now it will be in your sign for most of the month. The pull of that big ringed planet will have you wanting to try new things and craving original sensations. When was the last time you played with your back side? Or if you're a rear-end connoisseur maybe it's time to try something extra deep? Your body is an amazing thing, and as long as you're safe you can get receive fantastic stimulation starting from the first inch up all the way down the first few feet of your colon.

 

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