A Hysterical Look at Sex Toys: The Stone Age

• Posted on 6 December 2017
• By LSOP
• Posted in Comedy
• 0

The phrase "go fuck yourself" has been around for a long time but just how long? Each week I will be taking a look at the hilarious and often fantastical history of sex toys through the ages, starting from the literal stone age, bronze age bling, the world's first and hopefully last insect-powered sex toy, a Chinese pocket rocket that hopefully only blew your mind, the 5th electoral household appliance, and everything in between, right up to a VR synced vibrator that can read your vagina and beyond.

The phrase "go fuck yourself" has been around for a long time but just how long? Each week I will be taking a look at the hilarious and often fantastical history of sex toys through the ages, starting from the literal stone age, bronze age bling, the world's first and hopefully last insect-powered sex toy, a Chinese pocket rocket that hopefully only blew your mind, the 5^th electoral household appliance, and everything in between, right up to a VR synced vibrator that can read your vagina and beyond.

In the beginning, it was pretty clear what made the difference between man and woman- fashion choices, obviously. Some of the first articles of clothing ever found worn by our ancestors were only found on the males and only around their crotch. Was this a quick fix for a evolutionary design flaw of having fruit that hung too low on early human males? Or was it because the penis was something to be hidden? We will never know exactly but from early cave drawings and findings of polished stone phallic objects, keeping a fake copy of your cave husband's bulge was not as taboo as it is now.

 

 

A 7.8" long stone object was found in the Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm in the Swabian Jura. The prehistoric ‘tool’ is made from 14 fragments of siltstone and dates back 28,000 years. Due to its size, experts believe it may be the earliest example of a sex aid ever found.

 

 

The ones that stood the test of time have been found out in the open, kept with sewing needles and combs, not hidden away like knives or axes or other important hunting tools of the day. We will never know what exactly the originals were used for, but stone sex toys are making a comeback. Polished toys in a variety of stone types and in a wide range of shapes can be found right at your local sex store!

Next week we will look into the roman God Bacchus and parties that rocked on for weeks straight.