Dirty Horoscopes - August 2018

Dirty Horoscopes - August 2018

Want to know what the stars have in store for you (in bed)? Little Shop of Pleasure's team of psychics divine the cosmos (or, you know, whatever) and let you know what the universe has to say about your sex life in our monthly Dirty Horoscopes.




Do you have a bedroom 'white whale'? That one sexy act you cant seem to achieve? With Venus boosting your luck this month now might be the time to get back out into the water and whale hunting. Start small and work your way up to the big catch! Keep your eyes on the horizon and look for the telltale breaching of new opportunities.




It's getting hot in here, Taurus, and with the mercury rising one of the best ways to beat the heat is to get naked! Even if you're not feeling bold enough to go to one of the many local nude events in town you should try to have your own naked days around the house. Watching TV or doing laundry in the buff can add a new exciting thrill to your daily routine. Cooking dinner might require an apron (safety first), but somehow even the most mundane of food has a little more kick to it when it's prepared in the nude.




Have you ever ordered food in a portion too big for you? Sometimes your eyes can be bigger than your stomach, and the same thing can be said about other body parts. But don't worry, Gemini, this is the month to try again. Remember take you time, relax, use lots of lube, and don't feel like you have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. And if it doesn't work out? Oh well! Wash it up and now you have yourself a new book end!




If the heat is to much for you this month hopefully Pluto (#stillaplanet) making a quick appearance in your sign will help cool things down. If not, you can always add some chills to the bed room by using a cool cloth or even ice to make your lover shiver and shake with pleasure. Try cooling down your lips before kissing their body, or if you can handle it, crush up some ice with your teeth and give them a shocking French kiss. As long as your ice is clean (like, maybe suck the margarita mix off it first) it’s also perfectly body safe, so if you want to cool down from the inside out then you can insert ice anywhere you want to give a deep freeze.




Leo Symbol
Does the thought of getting hit across the backside scare or excite you? How about someone holding a few meters of rope ready to tie you up? It's situational, we understand, but if you're not sure about your answer this a great month to try something new. Find something that gives you mixed feelings and see what happens. If you give it a test run, who knows? Maybe that playful little spank leads to a new wardrobe filled with all sorts of impactful toys.




Virgo Symbol

The Sun will be good to you this month, Virgo. In fact, it will make you feel like a deity. You might catch yourself staring a little too long in the mirror after your showers or flexing at your reflection on the bus stop glass. Don't worry about showing off for others, this month it's all for you! So wear that tank top that shows off your arms or that pretty summer dress that shows off your legs. Do you like how your hair looks wild and free? Then go let the wind dry it! Dont' let anyone put any shade on how bright you're gonna feel about yourself.




Libra Symbol

We spend a lot of time looking up to the sky around here, but this month how about we talk a little about our favourite celestial body… earth. You're feeling a bit more in tune with our home planet this month, Libra, and that's a good thing! Have you looked into some of the amazing toys that are made from natural materials? There are stone and wood versions of almost every non-vibrating toy out there, and even glass and stainless steel can be produced in an eco-friendly way. Want the full green sex toy experience? Check out Earth Angel's energy saving hand crank vibrators.












Scorpio Symbol

What's your sexy colour scheme, Scorpio? Do you love the look of black, or maybe the lusty colour purple is more your speed? With Uranus spending a full week in your sign alone you're going to be feeling a need to mix things up. This is the month to try new things with your outfits and your toy selection. If you prefer more muted colours then grab something neon pink or go all out with something that glows in the dark! If don't have a preference, try to find something that matches your favourite outfit or the other way around, get a toy that matches your best sexy undies!



Do you have a beach towel you use after taking a shower? Or a favourite wine mug? As long as it works you don't always have to use things for there exact intended purposes. The same can be said in the bedroom. [editor's note: always be safe and never put something inside your body you can't easily retrieve] Just because it something was made for clitoral doesn't mean you can't use it on any other body part. If you like the look of a prostate toy but don't have a prostate? They often make great g-spot toys! Be creative in the bedroom and re-appropriate some of your toys.




Capricorn Symbol

That nervous and excited feeling of a first date can be an amazing. Some people love that thrill of excitement when they meet new people. If you’re single this might be a common experience, but if you have a mate you might be feeling left out. Fear not, dear Capricorn, you and your partner could can still recreate that first date feeling pretty easily. Just arrange a date night at a new location, maybe put on a new outfit, do your hair different, heck some people even come up with fake names. Try to seduce each other for the first time all over again, see how your flirting skills have improved over the years. When was the last time you tried to seductively dance for your partner? This can be hot and steamy or goofy and silly, just remember it’s all in good fun.




Location location location, isn't always about real-estate Aquarius? Neptune might have you feeling a little bit of wanderlust this hot month, but if you can't swing a last minute vacation to some exotic nude beach then it's time to improvise! Beat the heat at the local outdoor pool so you can playfully (and legally) flirt with your partner, keep the scene going by hitting up an outdoor patio with a river side view, and finally after a day of teasing each other under the sun head home and let out all the built up energy.


They say that sharing is caring right? Well what about sharing your favourite porn or erotica? You might be surprised by the number of online and local communities that have formed around sharing porn found on the internet. If you have a favourite sexy story that you have read a million times finding others that like just as much as you could be a thrill. If you have that one juicy porno clip that makes you squirm every time you see the thumbnail find a place to share it and see if others have found similar videos or maybe videos with the same performers.



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