This post is PART 47 in a guest blogger series following author Rachael's transition from an A.M.A.B (Assigned Male at Birth) individual to that of a self-identified trans woman.
If you are just discovering Queer as me, start the story from the beginning here.
One of the many things that someone who had not done cross gendered dressing would find startling is the plethora of different sizes between clothing manufacturers. Trying to find your size in a certain type of clothing can test the strongest of wills and stretch your patience to the breaking point. Especially if you don’t have hips to speak of. Or you have a bust that doesn’t quite fit into the great looking top. I’m not sure what the reason is behind women’s jeans. I mean they seemed to have almost no pocket space whatsoever. I mean come on people, is this why I have to carry everything I own in my purse because nothing human made fits in my pockets? I’ve actually lost a ten-dollar bill that I had thought I had quickly stuffed in my jean pocket safely, just to have it fall out the first time I sat down. Ugh. Really?
Don’t even get me started on shoes, seriously. It seems to be the manufacturer’s ability to make the perfect size for your feet. But then find out you must have toes that have to be made of steel, as they are crushed when trying to walk in anything that looks decent. I absolutely love some of the most beautiful heels I’ve ever seen, and yet I wouldn’t be caught dead in them unless I wanted to go to the podiatrist after a few hours in them.
Men, I understand how much easier they have when getting and wearing clothes. Sizes are very close to most men’s feet, and they don’t seem to have any issues with space for their toes. Not to mention that you can stuff almost anything in their pant pockets, and not worried about having to use a change purse because you don’t want to spend time picking up all your spare change when you sit.
One thing I found was the ability I had now to differentiate between colors. Prior to transitioning and being placed on estrogen, I just wore blue or black, predominately men’s colors. To be honest I didn’t care about what I hung off my body as it didn’t matter to me at the time. Now I have an appreciation for the subtle differences in hues of colors. It almost feels like I’ve was colour blind before because now I see color in so much more detail. Fuchsia, emerald, teal, orchid, peach, lavender, plum, turquoise and so much more. All absolutely gorgeous, and stunning when worn in conjunction with another color that accentuates each other, or a certain part of your body that you wish to draw the eye. Yes, even with all the frustration with clothing I have now, I so do love the colors I can wear.
Oh yes, as you can tell I am very femme.
But I still have a problem wearing a skirt or dress. The few times I have done so, although I loved wearing them, the stares I received from men, were disconcerting, to say the least. Maybe someday, once I feel a bit more self-confident I’ll try again. Besides, I see a future where I’ll be wearing that beautiful sun dress, on a warm summer day.
Positive thoughts are something that I am just now starting to recognize as crucial to a wonderful, and happy future.
Editor’s Note: To read Queer as me – Part 48: Body language and social cues, click here. Or click here to read the previous blog post Queer as me – Part 46: Voice...FAILURE. For the latest LSOP blog posts and so much more, make sure to add us on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.