Ask LSOP #34 - Deep Throating

Ask LSOP #34 - Deep Throating

Is deep throating a skill beyond your reach? Probably not. The following is the full Ask LSOP #34 question and answer, featured in the Little Shop of Pleasures January 2019 newsletter.

I want to be able to deepthroat my boyfriend, but it is just not working. What can I do to make this easier?

 

 

Deep throating is one of those things that people see in porn all the time and assume that they missed that day in sex ed, but I assure you, it's not something that everyone is doing and you are not. Most people who can deep throat, especially the kind of harsh, fast deep throating that you see in porn got to that point by practising- a lot.

 

Before anything else (and I know I sound like a broken record), you don't have to do anything in the bedroom that you don't want to. Blowjobs can feel great without deep throating- use your hands, use an open ended stroker as a helper for those last couple of inches, try new speeds, movements, or positions. It you've thought about it and don't want to deep throat your partner's penis, they need to take your no for an answer-  and if they pressure you after you've expressed your feelings they're probably a jerk.

 

The trick to deep throating is learning to control your gag reflex. Just like learning to receive anal penetration, what you are working with is a group of muscles that are primarily controlled by your autonomic nervous system, rather than by conscious thought. When something moves past the uvula (the little dangly bit in the back of the throat), it sends a message to your brain that you are about to swallow something, and to prepare the muscles of the oesophagus. If that thing is too big to swallow without blocking your airway, the brain sends the throat back a "hell no!" which triggers your potentially life saving gag reflex.

 

Harnessing control of an autonomic function isn't impossible- just like slowing your breath or heart rate, all it takes is awareness and practice. If your partner is willing to be a learning "tool" who is okay with stopping and starting (and that it might take a few sessions before deep throating actually takes place) that's awesome, but if not, practice on a toy. Make sure that the toy is flexible, made from something body safe (silicone is best), and that it has a base- you don't want to risk actually choking. Foods aren't a good practice tool because they can break apart, which is also a choking hazard.

 

Start by just working your way up to the point where you feel uncomfortable, getting familiar with that place, and then pushing a little bit further, and getting comfortable with that. Your throat is not a straight passage, so tilting your chin back can be helpful. Find the angle and position that works best for you.

 

Some people have luck with pressure points that can help suppress the gag reflex. Squeezing your left thumb in a fist works for some folks but not for others.

 

People ask all the time if throat numbing sprays and other deep throat assisting products products actually work and the answer is yes and no. Topical numbing sprays will numb the surface tissue of the throat, which could help with superficial discomfort, but the gag reflex is triggered by your nervous system controlling a powerful group of muscles, and nothing that you buy at a store is going to affect that. The only things you can take that will affect this (important, lifesaving) bodily function are medications like powerful muscle relaxers, or illegal drugs like opiates or poppers- and you're probably aware of all the reasons why that is literally a terrible alternative to just practising.

 

And honestly, that's pretty much it. Kind of like learning to play the piano or ski, it's going to take some time, but once you get the basics down you can start getting fancy by adding some flourish, increasing speed, or trying different positions (metaphors are hard)!

 

I'm sorry that I wasn't able to give you a way to make it easier, but hopefully this made the path to deep throating clearer... or something?

 

Happy deep throating!

 

-- The LSOP Experts

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