Ask LSOP #18 - Bad at bottoming
The following is the full Ask LSOP #18 question and answer, featured in the Little Shop of Pleasures August 2017 newsletter.
Dear LSOP Experts,
I’m a young gay guy and I hate bottoming. The idea of it is really hot, but whenever I try to bottom it hurts and takes forever to get going. The people I’ve talked to about this tell me that it will get easier- does it actually get easier, or are there techniques I can use to make it more pleasurable?
-- Rock Bottom
Dear Rock Bottom,
We touched on anal sex and what to do if it hurts just over a year ago in Ask LSOP #4 - A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex. The long and short of it is that being the receiving partner can and should be enjoyable, and with time, patience, and an understanding of how the anus and rectum work, most people will be able to get to the point where it is fun and easy-breezy (relatively speaking). Pain is your body telling you that something is being injured and that you need to stop what you're doing- it is not something that you should "suck up" and power through.
It's not surprising that we get questions about anal sex more than any other topic- anal sex is incredibly common, and yet most of us receive little to no education about it. The problem is even more pronounced for LGBT folks- what little education or accurate information we may have received isn't usually considerate of different sexualities and identities. In the absence of trustworthy, non-judgemental information, we tend to fill in the gaps as best we can with information from informal sources like our friends, fashion magazines, or porn.
There's hope for the future, though! As attitudes towards sex are (slowly) changing, quality resources for those looking to educate themselves are becoming more accessible. Though most of our adult readers will have missed out, we should be happy to know that sex ed in schools is becoming way more comprehensive and inclusive, thanks in great part to organisations like the Calgary Sexual Health Centre who bring their programs to classrooms across our city and southern Alberta. And for us old folks, better resources are available online, at the library, and even in fashion magazines like Teen Vogue, who recently published this incredible piece on anal sex, and who have delved into topics like "The Most Common Sex Questions Asked by LGBTQ Teens".
Thanks for the question!
Interested in appearing (anonymously) in the Ask LSOP section of next month's newsletter? Submit your questions about relationships, sex, adult toys, or lingerie, and our team of sexperts will find you the answers! Email your questions to [email protected] with the subject header "Ask LSOP".
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